By Scott Beal
were they relieved that my suffering was over
had I told them my one great fear
was being unable to remember or think
in the way that was mine
did they believe they’d already lost me
as my words grew baffling and cruel
had it been a burden to visit me
in a room with a tray table
or had they been grateful to see
my stomach rising and falling
how my hands moved telling a story
I’d told five minutes before
were they glad of the way I stuttered
and threw a water glass across the room
because it meant I was trying
to fight back to them
did they stay beside me while I slept
building a diorama inside my body
of the apartment where we had lived
did they move me from stove to table
with a pan of eggs and a spatula
did they keep their voices small
to reach the little me inside the big me
as they watched my face in the dark
when my eyes opened
which eyes opened
Scott Beal is the author of Wait ‘Til You Have Real Problems (Dzanc Books, 2014). His poems have appeared recently or are forthcoming in The Collagist, Chattahoochee Review, Four Way Review, SiDEKiCK, and other journals. He teaches in the Sweetland Center for Writing at the University of Michigan and serves as Dzanc Writer-in-Residence at Ann Arbor Open School. He co-hosts a monthly reading series called Skazat! in Ann Arbor.
